Why Do You Hate Me?

Ryou Bakura,
That's my name.
The name you stole from me,
That I never gave.

I once had a life,
A family,
Friends.
One bad thing leads to another.
I've learned that good things never last.

Mother's disappearance.
Sister's death.
Father left me at the age of ten.
He went to search for treasure.
Travel was his life,
But I know better than to believe his lies.

And then you came.
That ring.
That cursed ring.
The package I received from Egypt,
From my father,
After two years of ignorance.

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
Precious artifact created from darkness.
Made from pure gold,
It shimmered elegantly in the moonlight that came from my bedroom window.
To big to fit on any finger,
The ring hung from a soft rope, turned into a necklace.
If only I had known, I never would have…
Charmed by its beauty, I absentmindedly throw the rope over my neck.
My beautiful, precious, horribly wonderful curse.

I never would have guessed, at first,
The evil that the ring possessed.
I would have never guessed that you had chosen me.
Chosen me.
Does saying it like that make me sound important?
I would have never guessed that you were there,
Inside of me,
Like the parasite that you are.
That was going to change soon, however.
After all, you hate being ignored.

If only I had known, I never would have…

Friends.
Yes, it's surprising, but I did once have friends.
Not anymore, though.
Never again.
You made sure of that.

Monster World.
That cursed game.
It was my favorite.
A game that challenges the adventurers to try and save the land from darkness.
I was the game master.
The game world was at my command.
I had everything under my control.
At least, I thought I did.

It was the first in a long time that I felt happy,
Friends are a nice thing to have.
They welcomed me to my new school.
They would speak to me, laugh with me.
They made me feel like a real person again.
Oh, but that just wouldn't do, would it?

Maybe I couldn't help myself.
It's so lonely,
Playing alone by myself.
I'm sure you're laughing at me.
I know I'm too old to be playing games.

It was me who invited them.
Brought them to their doom,
Sealed their fate.
And they happily accepted my offer.
I wish they didn't.
Even though it would have broken my heart,
I wish they had said no.
I wouldn't have gotten angry,
I'm too nice for that.
I only would have cried a little on the inside.
Nothing compared to the sadness that I now feel,
Knowing that it could have been prevented.

The game was so fun.
The most fun I'd had in forever.
I was so happy.
Friends are wonderful.
I couldn't help it.
I couldn't if I tried.
I made a wish deep in my mind…

"I wish I could play with my friends forever…"

How was I supposed to know that someone would hear me?
I'll never know what your intentions were.
Did you want to watch me suffer?
Or did you really just want to grant my wish?
Why did you do it?
Why?

The bodies of my friends were sent to the hospital, each in a deep coma.
Two new Monster World gaming pawns sat there on the shelf.
That pawns that my friends had used.
There was something different about them.

Why?

I'll admit, I don't know what happened.
I wasn't there.
You were.
But you're not me.
You'll never be me.
I was there,
But I wasn't.
You were.
That cursed ring pulled at my neck.
Our beautiful, cursed ring.
Why couldn't I just get rid of it?
I just didn't have the heart to.

You're a thief.
A horrible, cruel, sadistic thief.
What does that make me?
You robbed me of my friends,
My grades,
My name,
My body,
My future.
I don't have a future.
You're my future,
And you don't care about me.

That piano.
It was my mothers.
Back when she was here, and we lived in England.
I loved that piano.
I loved it with all my heart.
Father was going to get rid of it.
He couldn't take it any longer,
After he lost sister.
As far as he was concerned,
He didn't have a family anymore.
He never saw me as his son.
He hated me.
He told me himself.
I look too much like her.
Mother.
I'm not like him,
Sister was.
But she's gone now.
He has no one.

He wanted to get rid of the piano.
Because it belonged to mother.
Because I loved it.
It was the most beautiful instrument.
I would listen to my mother play wonderful music.
Music that made me remember what happiness is.
He wanted to destroy it,
Like how he destroyed all of sister's drawings.
I couldn't let him.
Not mother's piano.
So I begged.
Pathetic, yes, but I begged.
He thought it was annoying at first,
But then he laughed.

He laughed at how pathetic I was.
How pathetic I am.
If you were there, you would have laughed, too.
Like how you laugh at me now.
I begged pathetically.
And God must have been by my side,
Because it worked.
Somehow.
The next day, he left for a month.
He left, and forgot all about mother's piano.
Forgot all about me.

That piano.
How I loved it.
Why?
Why did you do it?

I wasn't always so ignorant.
I caught on.
Of course it was only a matter of time.
I'm surprised I didn't acknowledge you sooner.
You hate being ignored.

I had heard you.
Even before, you were always testing me.
You would speak to me in my head.
I would be kept up late at night,
Wondering why I was hearing voices.
I remember seeing your reflection in the mirror,
And wondering why my hair was so messy.
I had always been interested in the paranormal,
But never did I think…
Oh, but that was all going to change.
Very soon.

Like I said, you hate being ignored.
You became frustrated with me.
You became angry.
Furious.
I could feel it.
Though I could never explain my sudden urges.
Urges to scream.
To scream out into the Heavens.
I can't say I'm very religious,
Not after everything I've gone through.
But if anyone was there for me,
Would it be God?
I'm sure you wouldn't be.
You're always so angry with me.

I was yet to recognize you,
But that didn't keep you from taking me.
My body.
I became your puppet before I even knew you existed.
But I'm not stupid.
Pathetic, but not stupid.
I was suspicious.
I had troubles before, but from the moment I put on the ring…
Everything went from bad to worse.

Mother was very religious.
When she was here, we went to church every Sunday.
Not long after my friends disappeared,
After I started hearing you,
I went to church for the first time in years.
I didn't know where else to go.
I found the priest there after the service.
Not that I participated at all,
But it would have been rude to ask any other time.

I wanted to know.
I wanted to know what was wrong with me.
Though I'm not sure why I went to a priest.
At the time, I didn't think I was possessed.
Even so,
You would have never let him get so far.
I told him about my suspicions, asked him questions.
He wasn't very much help, anyway.
He told me to believe, and that I would be rewarded.
I don't think he understood what I meant at all.
"How useless." I had heard you say.
I didn't think the voice could reach me in a church.
Yet another thing that made me agree with you.

I gave up on religion.
If it couldn't save me from a voice,
Then what could it do?
Then again,
Nothing can stop you.
Not for as long as you have me.
I can never be saved.
Now, I doubt even death could save me.

Somehow, my realization made you feel better.
Gave you a sick satisfaction.
Realizing that there was no escape from my fate,
Which hadn't even began yet.
Hadn't even began,
And already I had lost.
How pathetic of me.
You're laughing right now.
Your cruel, sadistic laugh.

The next time you spoke to me,
I decided to speak back.
At first I yelled out.
However, I live in an apartment,
Soon to receive a few angry phone calls.
So I spoke again in my head.
I could hear your laughter.
How amused you had been.
The laugh that had been driving me mad.
I demanded you to tell me what you wanted.
But no matter how much I screamed,
Or cried,
You refused to tell me anything.
It wouldn't have wounded your plans at all.
After all, I'm not in any state to interfere.

I hate you.
I hate you so much.

Not long after that,
You started appearing to me.
You look just like me.
You stole my form,
And changed it to suit you.
You're taller.
You tower over me, reminding me that I'm trapped.
Your eyes are narrow and cold.
You look down on me, sending shivers down my spine.
Your hair is messy, as if it has never been taken care of.
Oh how I wish life were mine to control.
You're a demon,
And proud of it.
You're my darkness.
I hate my darkness.

Just because you speak to me,
Doesn't make us friends.
Or allies.
I'm nothing but a pawn to you.
You expect me to do as I'm told,
To be a good little host.
And when I disobey,
You find ways to torture me.
We might share a body,
But that doesn't stop you from hurting me.
Though even in blind rage,
You're not stupid enough to kill me.
If I were to die, so would you.

I believe there's a name for people like me,
Because apparently there are others.
"Hikari."
A name you call me by quite often.
Hikari means light.
I am your hikari.
Your light.
And you are my yami.
My darkness.
The other half of my soul.
Not that this brings me any comfort.
Just because I am the light,
Doesn't give me any kind of protection against you.
You always call me by that name,
As if my real name doesn't exist.
Because you stole it from me.
I've really come to hate thieves.
You laughed when I told you this.
Sometimes you say I act more like a yami,
Rather than a Hikari.

I can't help but to wonder about you, though.
My terribly wonderful curse.
Oh how I hate you.

I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.

And surely you hate me back.
Don't you?
Of course you do.
You must.

You're angry with me often.
Too often.
Mother's piano…

After a while,
I'm scared to admit that I almost gave in.
I'm sorry if I even became a bore to you.
I blame my naturally submissive personality.
The core to most of my troubles.
You, being the core behind everything else.

But one day…
I couldn't take it any longer.
I can only stand so much, you know.
I confronted you.
I had done so before,
But I felt so angry this time.
In rage,
And not thinking straight.

I'm not often angry.
There are a few people who I hate,
But I can't bring myself to be angry.
I don't know how to be angry.
Does that make sense?
The only anger I know of is the anger pent up inside.
I have no idea how to express it,
In means other than writing.
I've cried,
Made a fuss,
But that's nothing.
I never knew true anger until now…
And in the end, it did nothing for me.

I stood up for myself,
Throwing in a few unpretty words.
A curse for a curse.
How out of character for me,
But it had to be done.
I spat out the things I had always wanted to say,
But was always too afraid to.
Why wouldn't I be afraid?
Those thoughts were horrible.
I didn't even know I could think of such words.
Trust me,
I surprised myself more than I surprised you.
I soon found out that your darkest thoughts,
Are best left in your head.

I guess it makes sense.
You're my darkness.
You feed off of my anger, and add it to your own.
But out of all possible punishments…
Why did you, how could you do that…?

You took over within seconds.
I didn't know what was happening.
If I did, I would have found a way to stop you.
Somehow.
You did things as me.
Like you always do.
I'm always being blamed for your crimes.
That's the beauty of possession.
For as long as you look like someone else,
There's no way you can get caught.
Let your poor, unaware host take the blame.
That's the beauty of it all.

When I was given back control the next day,
I was on the floor, in my living room.
Where mother's piano sat.
I'll admit,
As horrible as the sight was,
You have class.
I'm not sure how you did it,
But you did.
Maybe I watch too many horror movies,
Too many murder mystery shows,
But thinking in the mind of a killer,
The sight was beautiful.
Maybe only because I share my mind with a killer.
Horribly beautiful.
Just like our ring.
Our horribly beautiful ring.

My mother's piano was destroyed.
Completely.
I don't know how you did it.
How you did it with my pathetic body.
But you did it without any troubles.
As if it's simply what you do.
It's your job to keep me miserable.
And you love your job.
You're very good at it.

My mother's piano sat there in pieces,
Beyond repair.
And that wasn't all.
I could see the liquid running down, in-between the keys.
That thick, crimson liquid.
Blood.
The blood of someone who I probably didn't even know.
Someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I would have been afraid to look inside.
For fear that I would see the corpse,
Sitting there, broken and tangled,
With maybe a missing body part or two,
That I would later discover somewhere else.

What a horribly beautiful sight.
Oh how I loved that piano…
Why did you do it?
And what of our victim?
I'm just as responsible for his death as you were.
You were the one in control,
But it was my hands that tore him of his limbs.
Though while I'm consumed by guilt,
You're laughing.
Laughing at our victim.
Laughing at me.
Well, I'm your victim, too.
I'm just as much of a victim as he was.
And I helped kill him.

I wonder what kind of a person he was.
What kind of victim would you choose,
As punishment for me?
Did he deserve every pain we put him through?
Or was he completely innocent?
Did he have a family?
Did he love them?
What if he was only out there,
Because he wanted to get away from them?
What if they were cruel to him?
What if he was cruel to them?
Does he feel guilty about leaving them so suddenly?
So many unanswered questions.
I suppose you wouldn't have cared.
Any person would have worked just fine.
No one can escape you, anyway.
No matter how strong they are,
Or what they've been through.
You'll get to them either way.

It's all a game to you.
He and I were your pawns in your game.
Or I could relate this situation to a story.
You and I are main characters.
He was a minor character,
Who was killed off to keep the story going.
The story that you're writing.
Once my part of the story is done,
Won't you get rid of me, too?

I don't understand you.
For a while I thought that I knew all I needed to know.
You're a sick-minded, murderous thief.
But now that I've been thinking about it more…
I realize how little about you I really know.
You stole my name,
But surely you had a name before…
Did you always have my face?
Surely you once had a family.
What happened to them?
Why won't you tell me?
Why?

I hate you for not telling me.
You tell me that I'll know in good time,
But I hate not knowing.
You tell me to accept you,
That I should trust the darkness that hurts me,
But how can I do that if I don't know what you want?
I don't understand.
And I hate you for that.

I hate you.
You hate me, too.
I'm sure of it.
You have to hate me.
Because I hate you.
So I don't understand…

I don't understand you at all.
How could I not understand the other half of my soul?
Maybe I don't understand myself.
That would be awful.

It wasn't so long ago,
After I had moved to my new high school.
I'm not proud to admit it.
I don't look that much like a girl, do I?
You're able to pull off my looks just fine.
Why me?
Anyway, I'm a bit of a magnet for bullies.
One person never torments me for long.
You make sure of that.
I'd hate to think that you're protecting me.
You hate me too much for that.
You probably just want your vessel to stay in good shape.
Only you're allowed to give me pain.

Yeah.
That has to be it.

Even so,
I'm never bully-free for long.
When one "mysteriously disappears out of nowhere",
(I know perfectly well what happened)
Another is soon to come.
After a while I simply got used to it.
It's a constant pattern.
I'm surprised they haven't learned by now.

One person can only torment sweet little Ryou for so long.

Did that sound scary?
I've been trying to sound less pathetic,
So you'll stop laughing at me.
Oh how I hate that laugh.

I would hate to think that you're rubbing off on me.
Influencing me.
Though I can't help myself,
But to admire my ever-growing collection of clay figures.
We both have our share of pawns we've made.
Our ring can do that.
Stealing souls,
And placing them into any unanimated object.
Our beautiful, soul stealing ring.

I hate it.

I wonder,
If sister were still alive to see me now,
What I've become thanks to you,
What would she say?
She was always so optimistic,
I was never like her.
Sister was always so strong,
And brave.
I've always been so fearful.
She welcomed all challenges,
And took them head-on.
When Death came to her,
She wasn't sad.
Instead,
She took the Grim Reaper's hand,
And thanked him for granting her a safe trip to Heaven.

My brave, kind little sister.
What would she say to me now?
I miss her.
Her and mother.
I love them both very much.

There was a bully at my new school.
I can't remember his name.
He came just like the rest of them.
I stopped paying attention after a while.
Maybe that's what set him off…
That I never bothered to call him by name.
Or it could have been my hair.
I couldn't stand to cut it.
Why should I?
I look like mother.
And you seem to like how I look.
That's why I'm your host, isn't it?

I was walking home from school.
I should have picked a different route…
I was trying to avoid traffic.
I've always avoided vehicles.
After all, sister was killed in a car crash.
I decided to go down a more deserted path.
Who needs people to protect me,
When I have you?
Oh, but you wouldn't protect me.
You hate me.
It's my body that matters.
You won't let any real harm come to my body.
My body is yours and yours alone to harm.
No one else's.

I bumped into him around the corner.
He looked so tough with that cigarette in his mouth.
As if he had nothing left to lose.
He had no idea what was coming…
He looked like he would make a good gunner.
The game world could use with some more of those.
You chuckled darkly at the back of my head.
"Yes, a gunner will work nicely." I heard you say.

I feel a little guilty for the pain of our victims…
No one deserves what we put them through.
I'm not evil.
You're the evil one.
I'm just tired of fighting.
So tired…
I want this all to end.
Yet…
I'm not sure if I would ever want you to leave me.
Not that I would miss you.
I hate you.
But I don't want you to leave.
I love my beautiful, cursed ring.
No…
I hate it.

I hate it.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I love it.
I hate it.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I lo…

That bully.
He was the stupidest yet.
I don't mean to be rude, but…
It's true.
He acted purely on impulse.
He didn't think twice before pulling out that blade,
And just attacked without giving me any time to apologize.

It didn't take long for him to have me cornered.
I wish I wasn't so weak.
If I can't save myself from a bully,
How am I suppose to save myself from you?
Oh, but that will never happen.
I said I was sorry.
I asked him to leave me alone,
To escape while he had the chance.
But he wouldn't have it.
That blade of his,
Came dangerously close to my neck.

But he changed his mind.
During the struggle,
My school uniform came undone,
And our ring came out into view.
It caught his attention.
Not even someone like him,
Can take the beauty of our ring,
Or save himself from its evil.

He wanted to steal it from us.
You could see it in his eyes,
Before he even did anything.
Oh, but that was just a part of your plan.
He probably thought he could sell it,
Or keep its beauty all for himself.
Touching the ring was his first mistake.
The metal burnt right through his skin.
As he clutched on,
His hands turned black.
He let me go, spitting out many, colour curses.

And then you took over.
After being possessed for so long,
I'd learned how to find out what's going on.
I know a few different tricks now,
Such as being able to appear in a spirit form.
It's certainly nice to know,
That I'm not completely defenseless.

Locked away in my soul room,
I heard a frustrated cry from the bully.
What exactly did you do to him?
I dare not think about it.
And soon enough,
I heard you exclaim in cruel amusement,
"Penalty Game!"
Another cry.
I almost feel sorry for the bully…
He was only a year older than me.
Oh, but another is soon to come.

For now, I'll just enjoy your new gift to me.

It's an odd relationship that we have.
You've given me a few different nicknames.
Pet names.
Replacing the name that you stole from me.
"Hikari" is one of them.
I'll admit,
Being called "Light" is certainly better,
Than some of your less flattering names,
Such as "Host", or "Vessel".
One that really gets to me…
Is "Landlord".
The name that you call me by the most often.

Landlord.
I am your "respected landlord".
Well, I don't feel very respected.
You call me this,
Reminding me that I'm just a place for you to stay.
I know you love role-play just as much as I do.
I am the landlord, with you as my tenant.
You take your role very seriously.
And every so often,
As your landlord, I expect to receive rent.
Rent.
And what better payment,
Than another little citizen for my world?

Yes, our ever-growing world.
Monster World is only a game,
But we take games very seriously.
Those who cause me distress,
Or just those who stand in your way.
I'll wake up,
To see a new little pawn sitting there.
With it, a note attached saying;
"For my beloved Landlord."

Such a cruel sense of humor you have.
Giving me the souls of the people I dislike most,
As gifts.
I can't say I understand it.
I don't understand you.
There are times when you treat me like royalty.
You mock me, though.
You brush your cold fingers through my hair,
And softly kiss me on the head.
Then you laugh.
Your laugh, which scares me more than anything.

And then I go from your pet,
To your prisoner.
Almost within seconds.
I'm yours to hurt and abuse.
Yours, alone.
I hate you for every bone broken in my body.
Every cut and scar that shows up on my pale skin.
As you prove how much you hate me back.
My skin is almost white,
You can see my bruises quite well.
I look like a ghost with my white hair and skin.
How fitting that my tormentor,
Is, indeed, a ghost.

You do all these horrible things to me.
Why?
Aren't I your body?
Why would you harm your own body like this?
Then again, you're psychotic.
Psychotic, but not stupid.
You know better than to kill me.
Sometimes I wish you would just kill me already,
But that's one wish you won't be granting.
You don't seem to mind my injuries.
As if you're only leaving your mark on me.
Broken bones won't stop you from possessing me.
Like I suddenly get super strength when you take over.
Lucky you.
You don't have a problem with pain.
You enjoy pain.
You thrive off of pain.
Such a masochist.
And then you mock me for being so weak.
Why?

Why do you hate me?
Why do you hate me?
Why?

I hate you more than anything,
And I have a right to.
Look at what you've put me through over the years.
I hate you so much,
I can barely stand it.
This hatred is eating away at me…
Why?
I was never very good at being angry,
Being angry was always your job,
But I can honestly say that I hate you.
And you hate me, too.
I've had enough proof of your hatred for me,
Your weak, little host.
I hate you,
And you hate me.
I wouldn't doubt that you hate me.
But…
Why?
Why do you hate me?
Why do you do the things you do to me?
Why me?

Why do you hate me?

I can't stand not knowing.
I hate it almost as much as I hate you.
No.
I could never hate anything,
As much as I hate you.
But I hate not knowing.

I finally did it.
I built up the courage to ask.
"Why do you hate me?"
I never thought you'd give me an answer…
And if I did,
I would have expected the answer to be something,
Like how pathetic I am.
How I can't do anything without you controlling me.
But…

I'm not sure why I was nervous,
When I went up to you with my question.
That look on your face as you gave me your attention.
Your eyes, starring into my soul,
Your mouth formed into an amused grin.
Seeing your face,
Made me more afraid than I had ever been.
I hate feeling that way.
I hate you.
I hate how you mock me.

I built up my courage,
And the question popped out of my mouth.
I could see it in your eyes.
My question caught you off guard.
At first you said nothing.
I didn't expect you to say anything.
But then you began to laugh.
That famous laugh of yours.
It made me afraid to see what you would do next.
Though that didn't scare me as much,
As what happened after you calmed yourself down…
You…
You answered…

Your answer…
Why did you say that?
Out of all the things you could say to me…
Why?
Why?
Why?
Your answer horrified me.
I had been so sure…
The moment I heard your answer,
I soon doubted everything I ever knew.

Your answer…
Your answer…
Your answer…

"Landlord, I could never hate you, if you don't hate yourself first."

Wh-What on earth could that mean?
Why would you tell me such a thing?

If I don't hate myself first…
I-I could never hate myself.
I've been to busy hating you to hate myself.

I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.

I'm the only thing I have left.
Thanks to you.
You took away everything I ever cared about.
If I lose myself,
I'll be nothing.

I don't…
I don't understand.

How can you not hate me?
Are you saying that for as long as I have feelings,
You'll have them, too?
No, that can't possibly be true.
You're a monster from the darkness.
You've always thought feelings made people weak.
Surely it must be a lie.

You must hate me…
Y-You have to hate me.
Why don't you hate me?
You need to hate me.

I-I want you to hate me…

You can't possibly mean to say,
That all those horrible tortures you've put me through,
Were your sick ways of telling me that you care,
Or even that you lo…
N-No.
I won't dare finish that thought.
You can't possibly…
There's no way.
There's no way.

It was then that you did something,
Something I never thought you would do…
Even to mock me.
You bowed to me.
You took my hand…
And kissed it.

Why?
Why do you mock me?
You can't really be serious…?

Maybe…

Just one more question.
I'm not sure what possessed me to ask this now…
But it was something else I was curious about.
Surely you had one.
Why was it only now that I'm asking this?
Maybe after that last question,
What do I really have to lose?

I asked you what your name was.
Was.
What your name used to be.
Not the name that you stole from me.
What was it before?
I didn't expect you to remember…
…But somehow you did remember.
Or were you only lying?

When I asked you this,
You looked sad.
Yes, sad.
Though it must have just been my imagination,
Because a second later you began to laugh.
That proud, cruel laugh.
You laughed,
And then whispered softly in my ear…

"Remember this name well, Landlord… For I am the great Touzouku Akefia!"

Touzouku Akefia…
Akefia, King of Thieves.

Yes.
It fits.
It fits so well.

You're a thief.
And not only a thief,
But the king of thieves.
Anything that can be stolen,
Will be yours.

You stole everything from me.
My name,
My body,
My memories,
My possessions,
The people I hold close…
What haven't you stolen from me?

…Well, I'm still a virgin.

…

Wait.